How I escaped the “Just one of the boys” syndrome and found me.
When I started traveling full-time for business, for hours every day; I was surrounded by men. The female inside me took second (or third) place. My feminine reflection on the outside was lost. While my male peers were having their suits steam-cleaned, and extra starch in their commercially laundered Brooks Brothers© shirts, I was ignoring me.
I didn’t care what I looked like; I was just focused upon the work. Oh, sure I was imitating them by wearing a suit and taking care of business with the latest fast and efficient methods, but I
was not taking care of my body.
The men were eating fat-laden steaks, drinking wine with every evening meal, and smothering real butter. My former bouncy, energetic step that came from years of thoughtful working-out, light, fresh fruits, and vegetables for most of my meals, and fitness awareness, was hidden under male clothing. I was hiding my feminine self, my sexy female body, under oversized clothing that looked like men’s clothing. I dressed in straight hanging outfits, not allowing myself to be feminine, to show my curves. Therefore, I hid my bust line and appeared sexless.
My public self, my outward appearance did not make me feel happy about my looks. I always looked good, but I did not look feminine. From a female standpoint, my nails looked plain, like a man’s nails. My nails were not elegant. My fingers held a pen or digital device nearly all day. Instead, a professional manicurist should have held my hands every two weeks to make me look like the classy woman I am! My hands should have looked the way I like them to look, for me, and not for what I thought the men wanted.
Like so many women, I did not make myself my first priority. I did little to make myself feel good when I filled out my Daytimer© and planned my day. I placed my personal needs last.
Women, the chronic “fixers” who plan events, organized team projects, build relationships, deepen networking ties, join causes, and promote worthwhile movements often do nothing to recharge themselves. We give other people what they expect of us, what they want from us, without taking care of ourselves. That is exactly what I was doing on the road. I was not making my individual choices or setting reasonable boundaries.
That was a low point in my life; in my late 20’s and early 30’s. I consistently put other things first. One day the reflection from my mirror startled me. I realized that I was not allowing myself to put myself first. My skin, hair, nails, and the strained “I am not being me!” look on my face all forced me to ask, “What am I really feeling?”
My personal answer surprised me. I have been staying in tune with the men and not in tune with the me that have been put aside in the process of what I thought was pleasing others. The outside world had become my first priority, and my inside self was forgotten. Typically, women dress for other women and for us, not for men. I had put that thought aside. At that moment, I realized I had to give myself permission to love myself first! Of course, I would attend to significant others, my business, and my relationships, but not until I took care of me! I needed to nurture myself. I had to set aside buckets of attention just for me.
I began to realize that I had to be my best personal coach. I had to have mindset to recharge me to help them. I began to first schedule my workout, and focused on my health. As I set these priorities, I gave myself permission to stick to them. I set aside money for errands I wanted to run, or to get a massage. I made getting my hair done every few weeks a priority. Honestly, baring an emergency, that appointment with myself was “Top Priority Time.” With that higher self-focus, I do what I choose to do.
I really encourage other women to do that same thing for themselves. Women forget to take care of themselves, and yet we know what gives us energy. It might be riding a horse, swimming, time with other women, or reading a book. We simply forget to refill our energy reserves.
Sexy Boss is a community that encourages us to be supportive of ourselves, our
relationships, our community as well as gathering the right knowledge (information), and the correct wisdom (knowing yourself) to move forward with confidence and making lots of money. A Sexy Boss is a breadwinner. We make money for ourselves, our family, and for our future. We plan for big deposits of cash and exceed our own expectations. We can accomplish this because we move our life forward with high abilities and expectations. That is possible, because of a foundation of Sexy Boss community support has been carefully put into place. The broader and deeper you make that foundation of support the more you will have to draw from to make your life what you dreamed it might be, but never saw manifested until you became a Sexy Boss.
Coaching Myself, Instead of Conforming
Stepping into the role of self-coach allowed more time to be supportive with significant others, my business, and yet, still nurture myself. Extended coaching made it easier for me to say, “No. I am not ready to take over that task. Please try doing it yourself. If you get stuck, Julie is a great person to ask for help. She has done something like that before.”
Coaching for the benefit of others, and myself allowed me the option to say, “Yes, you do have a great idea. Please take a few hours and see if you can make that idea work for all of us. And then get back to me.”
When you move into the role of coach, you further develop your “I can,” and “I will” attitudes. As a Sexy Boss, you may not create every idea, oversee all the details, or micro-manage every activity, person, or problem, because you have made it clear what you want and exactly what you need. Your management style and your needs are clearly understood by your employees. You develop powerful employees who can think for themselves and be supportive of your dreams. The entire business benefits, including within his or her personal lives not just inside the workplace.
Being a Sexy Boss is about allowing you to coach yourself and giving your approval to yourself. A Sexy Boss does not need outside approval. You nurture you, express your own creativity, and win because you put yourself out on the line. The result of that outlook is that you begin to reach for the stars! A Sexy Boss imagines extraordinary financial success.
If there is any drawback with a Sexy Boss as a coach, it is taking time to find the best certificate-designed team. Be generous with sincere acknowledgements that are “suitable for framing.” This form of coaching facilitation is likely to have your team more permanent, with a higher overall morale, and ensure greater satisfaction.
The foremost bonus is that you, as a female entrepreneur, will be able to financially support significant others, your family, your business, and nurture yourself without going crazy in the process. Additionally, your team will experience the same joy from being the recipients of you taking time to recharge yourself to enable positive coaching, affirmative delegating, appropriate public recognition of their accomplishments, and income for the business beyond anyone’s wildest conceptions!
[Editors Note: Heather Ann Havenwood, CEO of Havenwood Worldwide, LLC and Chief
Sexy Boss, is a serial entrepreneur who is regarded as an authority on internet marketing.
Since marketing her first online business in 1999, bringing together clients and personal coaches, she has played an active role in the online marketing world since before most even had a computer.
Heather Ann is now stepping out from behind the curtain to educate, enlighten and empower women entrepreneurs to grow or start an business and live a fearless, fabulous and fulfilled life.]
